Dear Hummingbird #1: How to not feel dead inside while doing this course

"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.” - Oscar Wilde

Art by People I’ve Loved

Question 1:

Dear Hummingbird,

How to not feel dead inside while doing this course?

— Lost in Auroville

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Answer 1: Reward yourself

Dear Lost in Auroville,

I remember when I chose to pursue CA. I had all the cliched aspirations and reasons to do it- the ability to put a signature as an auditor on financials worth billions, the flex of being a corporate leader and what not but then REALITY happened!

It started with struggling to clear exams then came the adversity of articleship while acting as a juggler to maintain my sanity. Yet everyday, I kept reminding myself that I signed up for this.

Your career is a marathon, not a sprint.

If you exhaust yourself initially, you would not be able to enjoy the marathon and as you put it, “feel dead”. I acknowledge that the CA course tests you in the toughest waters but I hope you remember smooth seas never made skillful sailors.

Having said that, I must mention that I hate to romanticize struggle; so I won’t. But what if the struggle is self-induced? Do you remind yourself that you are only in your early 20s (taking the liberty of assuming because of anonymity) and you must spend time introspecting and becoming self-aware?

(Probably partying and going out with friends as well, laughing your heart out, waking up feeling you have all the power to conquer the world and thinking the world is an oyster full of opportunities)

From the movie ‘Call me by your name’

Simon Sinek in his book ‘Start With Why’ beautifully explains the need to answer a Golden Circle of questions ‘Why?’, ‘How?’ and ‘What?’ (in the order they are mentioned). Do you often remind yourself your Whys and get reassuring answers?

It is tough to run towards something if you don’t know what you are running towards! Also, I hope you don’t fall into the ‘sunk cost fallacy’ and have the courage to be true to yourself.

CA course requires grit. Anyone who enters the course acknowledges that it would take perseverance and long term mindfulness. Let me share the flip side to it- being myopic and living a ‘cliff-hanger’ life- simply jumping from one cliff to the other, from one task to the next.

As exciting as it sounds, it is draining and lacks strategic vision. While you want to live each day as it comes (top life lesson from the pandemic), the experience makes you utterly puzzled. It always helps to pause, re-evaluate and appreciate the task at hand. I hope you remind yourself the same thing- to pause, re-evaluate and appreciate!

Art by Liz and Mollie

Dear Lost in Auroville, do you reward yourself for the smaller achievements and not defer your happiness? It is indeed difficult to strike the chord between delayed and instant gratification but don’t hesitate to take that path. Your happy hormones will reward you adequately!

Especially when you feel burnt-out - take the leap. Journal, talk to your friends, family, partner. Empty your heart.

Redeem yourself from your self-imposed restrictions. Don’t forget to expand your horizons. Pick that book you have been meaning to read in the longest time, go on that solo trip you have already planned out, do whatever makes you feel alive.

I understand that laughing off failure is tough and this course makes you feel like a failure almost on alternate day basis. The journey can often get lonely. Hence, please don’t hesitate to seek professional mental help if need be! Always, keep your friends close.

An exam, a course or an internship can never become bigger than life. In all its bounty, life is beautiful; we can’t waste it ‘feeling dead’!

Go out there and feel alive. I really hope you will.

Warmly,
Hummingbird

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Dear Hummingbird is a syndicated advice column by CA aspirants for CA aspirants.

If you want to send in questions, please send them to The Hummingbird here. You can also write to us on dearhummingbird1@gmail.com

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