1 Thing I Consumed Last Week (cause vacation calls for a break 🏝)

on responsiveness and pledges to myself

Hello Nello!

I treated myself to a 5 day vacation this week (after 6 months) and hence there was not much to do except gasping at the landscape of Kerala, India. (more deets on it later)

I am writing this newsletter from an airport lounge waiting for this vacation to end (damn Monday blues) but as I write this I am grateful for a time well spent (certainly grateful for the 9-5 which permits me to afford this).

My consistency/hustler instinct almost made it’s way through my mind - to push it, read more and share 5 things until I decided to give it a raincheck and go with the flow. What’s the point if I can’t be transaparent with you, dear reader?!

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What the humans like is responsiveness | Sasha’s Newsletter

My first acquantance with Sasha was through this newsletter issue until I became a fan of almost everything that he writes.

How I Attained Persistent Self-Love, or, I Demand Deep Okayness For Everyone

In his latest issue on responsiveness, he takes the example of a viral Tik-Tok video to explain human psychology particularly the perennial need for human connection.

A sign that responsiveness is important is that when people don’t have it, they go out and get it. 

Responsiveness is confusing

Now personally, responsiveness is a touchy topic for me. I have had multiple phases in life - phases where I abosultely detest replying to random strangers on social media and phases where I feel guilty of not replying only because it feels sad if I put myself in their shoes.

I still don’t have a black and white take on the kind of person I want to be. Do I reply to all of them or some? How do I judge which ones? I certainly have devised my own parameters to judge the importance/urgency but I am sure it’s not cent-percent accurate.

If you put behavior into the world, you get behavior out. It’s a lovely truism that isn’t always true. But the more you can make it true for your lovers, friends, customers, whatever, the more they will tend to have fun.

The shades of texts

Here’s how my brain works when I get a random text from a stranger on the internet (categorized by types of texts)

• Question on academics : Bleh! I don’t have time for this

• Urgent/vulnerable/honest help on academics: Book a mentoring session

• Deep and an extremly long text wanting an opinion : I will certainly reply to this on Sunday (until I don’t)

• Quick question on admin stuff : Expect response within a day

• Friends texting ‘How are you’ : Good, how about you? (I prefer calls over texts, but with tight schedules now, I think I am gonna change)

• Flirting on texts : No, thanks

• Random questions on life/love/relationships : Dude you don’t even know me personally, to be this vulnerable and I don’t know you either to comment/give you any advice on your life

I got it all wrong

There is very little time and a lot of people to respond to - at different platforms, hence I choose to be in my shell waiting for that one long break where I can reply to all of them in one go.

Reading this issue from Sasha was a good reminder on how wrong this strategy is and there will never be enough time even when I get a break.

I am rethinking on how to steal more time in breaks, judge urgency better, respond to more people and let the human connection grow naturally and more frequently. Let’s see how that works. I hope this issue makes you rethink your responsiveness strategy too.

Time to hop on the flight now. See you next week with the usual stack. Happy reading and connecting folks!

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Always grateful for the love,

The Hummingbird🌺